|Column nr. 10 2011|
NEWLY ORDAINED BROTHER
This past Summer 2011 has been a splendid piscatorial adventure with the added blessing of a few new friends. The Brotherhood Of The Long Rod can welcome a new Brother who appears to have magic hands and instant love for all things fly....
"My name is Ian Shuman your mild mannered every-day Dentist and as of late, a newbie fly fisher. My newest obsession began this summer when my friend Amir Juzbasis invited me to Alaska and fish for King Salmon and whatever else would bite. Then I met the Grandmaster of fly fishing (Oh how I love that quote baby!) Dan Fallon who guided me on the finer points of casting, stripping, and patience! Remember, Its called fishing not catching said Dan and that in essence is what set me on the Zen like journey. The art and trance like state achieved with the perfect cast and catch..."
Yes, Ian you really get it my new talented friend. In the fifty odd years I have successfully impersonated a Master Fly Fisher many have been called and few were chosen. The concept of fly fishing let alone fly tying, reading water and understanding the six million little aspects that separate success from utter failure! Many talented sportsmen came across my G.P.S. this summer especially during the 7 days at Lake Marie Alaska in June chasing King Salmon. It was clear from day one Dr. Shuman was a gifted man in many ways as he easily picked up my few comments and began throwing flies like a seasoned old hand. It was and is his innate skills tying flies that are impressive to me! It took me many years to become reasonably aware of how flies are assembled. I suppose Ian has been quite used to working in small places on tiny teeth as he is already showing signs of future mastery.
"I couldn’t believe that a fish would actually be interested in this tiny barely visible dry fly and yet they bit and bit and bit!" At this junture in my life long love affair with fly rods and rivers watching someone like Mr. Shuman an educated successful reasonable, funny, good natured fellow drink the coolaid, swallow the philosophy and jump in head first has been sublime! This man can already ty and catch, release wild fish! I tip my hat to you Sir! Welcome to the Brother & Sisterhood Of The Fly..."
Ian, thanks for kind words, but, really no one has ever truly mastered this complicated sport and that includes me, just another hooked brother my Brother
Written by Dan Fallon © 2011
"ADVENTURES OF FLETCHER QUILL"
"Cunning is the dark sanctuary of incapacity!"
It has been the usual over the top insanity as Home Boy Fletcher Quill and his crew try and keep the nasty affair of his number one main man his once awfully Holy now slightly tainted Unholy Dali lama. He has just informed Quill he is having a lot of pain urinating after his three minute in and out Butt session with Ms. Bachman republican possible show dog! Fletcher has been waiting in the lobby of Stanford Medical down on the Farm in Palo Alto. The charge Nurse is about to enlighten the Supreme Court Justice as to his friends cocknosis....
"We have done a complete Blood work up and here it Quill. This man has been spending copious amounts of time deep in several female rear ends and its time to pay the toll taker Son, you comprende’ Tonto?"
"Yeah Baby, I got the ugly picture. Sooo he has to keep the three inch slug in the playhouse for a spell, right?"
"Touching your sensitivity Sir. We want a list of all his contacts last three years and phone numbers Mr. Enabler Man!"
Cell phone screams and the mood is shattered, his lowness Black Messiah needs to confab post haste!!!!!
"Fletcher man I’m real burned out Cowboy! This fucking massive jobs Bill going nowhere! Greece and Italy can’t buy toilet paper and you know this fool ain’t gettin no fucking 2nd term Pilgrim! You know that!"
"Dam Son, fuck your reelection fool, lets chase wild trout Boy Scout? I think Lake Tahoe might be perfect this time of year, I’ll get us a 100 foot luxury Houseboat and we float and chase trout for five days. You down with that Boy Scout?"
"Ok, Ok, Will send Airfarce One to pick you and your crew up in the morning. Get the House Boat Quill, gotta get my mind right for this last big fight Cowboy!!!"
"Hold your Johnson there Cowboy! Have a few loose ends to knot here in Sin City. And Dali, Keith, and my new Buddy Johnny Galliano are about to get into my private stash if you get my wind Pilgrim? Schrooms, Acid, then see a mess of the new 3D movies in town. Also the fucking Court is Bitching I’m not present quite enough? Fuck that, when Its in session I’m there other wise party, Fly Fish, Harmonica, Skateboard and as much Pussy as I can possibly eat are priorities right Dali Baby?"
"Oh yes, As ancient Philosopher Wing Phatt taught us, "The more fun you have- The longer your Whang grows or something like that?"
"My new Hero, did you hear what Dali did to both Sarah P. And Ms. Bachman Sportsfan?"
"Oh my God, its all over the fucking Web, Dali in his Gold sneakers just going to town on that fat little ass of hers. So he has a dose Huh? Man, you gotta keep the Horse in the Stall these days my Brothers!!!"
"Very proud of my Boy! Fuck that spiritual leader Bullshit. He has a new Ball game running with me. Ok, what is the deal on the Jackie Kennedy Tapes? She kills MLF and slaughters a mess of old friends.."
"Telling me, makes me cringe man! Every swinging Dick is writing a Book now. My Ass is grass for sure Son. Lets go chase Trout in Yosemite again love that place,Teddy Roosevelt was the fucking man Baby!"
"Dude, everybody I know has a thinks they have a Best Seller like Dick Chaney’s Auto Bio which kills everyone Buddy! You Think Keith Richard my main fucking Man wrote a serious confessional. Chaney kicked some ass for sure, highly recommend it."
"I my once upon a time exulted now certain One Term annoyance oh Black Messiah have suddenly become boring in discourse and unfortunately in performance! Example number one has to my Dear newly Baptized once Celestial Spiritual Leader now Hash Dealer, Back Door Man! Say that agin with much Mysoginiostic Pride, Back Door Man!!! After I wrap a few thangs here in Sin City. Maybe Yosemite in the Fall might be just what we both need. As per usual I been running hard and fast with Skateboard and Golden Bong Baby... Time to wind this F12 down to regular people speed me Cowboys surreal adventurers. Jerry Garcia Bitch’s!!!
"Home Boy hold up, hold the Fuck up old man! Are you kidding me. I just heard Kid Rock and Neil Young are jamming down town in your old Hood North Beach. They rented a roof top studio with a view of the Killer Golden Gate Bridge. Your Harmonica and vocals mentioned with the Glimmer Twin and Muddy Waters. Sooo get your LSD drenched talented ass done there Son and get back to your fucking blues roots one more time before you do anything else comprende’? Listen Quill your three dead Best friends Gary, Terry and Duke are into your work with the Dali Lama. Such a mind fuck his decent into your mud hole Dude? Kinda blows my whole eternal peace in the moment Zen thing into Ben & Jerrys ice cream freezer Stoner Judge! Back to music, advise wanne be a rock blues star. Slow down Man, you play to hard and fast. You and your Harp come off smoother when you let the space in between notes and phrases extend into long quiet space. If you could hear your best songs and solos are the slow brooding killer soul Harp in Key of G your now fucking famous for Homey! Slow down and enjoy the silences and your there Blues Man."
"I know it, your on the money oh highest of all the high and Dead. That Harmonica and deep, deep old school Chicago Muddy Waters Blues have saved and soothed my worn soul so many times, so many times. I know what it did for you and your six billion intergalactic fans space master..."
"Before I evaporate you old cool fool better take a ride over to the Marine’s Memorial Club on Sutter Street near the Bohemian Club. Larry merchant and Merriweather are going to have a highly anticipated private invitation only Debate on the fighting words exchanged at the fight last week. Larry came unwound after Merriweather said , "He didn’t know shit bout Boxing old man, HBO ought to fire your ass!" Larry replied, "If I was fifty years younger I would kick your ass! " A wonderful moment for all who still covet Balls & Respect! Fuck your age or weather you’re the toughest man on the mother fucking Planet! As they taught in the Old Marine Corps never charge anything with your mouth your ass can’t cash."
"Jerry Baby, I called Larry 20 seconds after he threw down and gave hugified high fives. Now Merriweather can Box, bad old blood between them no question. That is an old wound of some kind? Refreshing to see little old school respect go down."
"As the mighty noisy F12 Ferrari attempts to slide into a rare late nite North Beach parking place , Quill hits the 10 Grand Digital Stereo paddle and lets the last mind numbing sounds of Stevie Ray Vaughan and Albert King mother fucking annihilate the classic, "Turn it Over!"...... Quill grabs a fresh Key of G Hohner harp and looks up at the roof top crowd now assembled on the roof listening to Neal Young and Kid Rock destroy, "Keep On Rocking In The Free World". Quill walks in like a visiting hard Blues Blowing old school demon Dali Lama and Keith Richards on each side. Keith is killing his low G tuned Strata castor and Dali is working his new Tambourine like Sarah Pallid in the Lakers locker room 4am baby!!!!!!
"Look who slipped under the fucking Door, his royal lowness the Home Boy Dark Prince and his way too famous running Dawgs.... Oh yeah, jump right in Quill and take us to the bridge.... "Keep On Rocking In The Free World........"
Just as everything is starting to get all authentic 1960ishhhh, Drake, Quill’s long time Man Servant, whispers in his Master’s ear, "Better take this call or you may finally fire me for gross insoborardination! Its your Boss Fat Tony and he is fucking hot Hombre’, commotherfuckinprende. Something about last minute Execution Stays, two or three Boys bout to buy the Farm Pilgrim!"
FAT TONY GOT THE JACK BABY!!!
"Justice Quill , first just saw the revolting Cell phone video of your Pal Dali Lama doing a fucking Presidential possible contender you perverted right hand of the Devil Himself. Your very existence makes me physically ill Sir! Just in case your Hippy head is lodged so far up that drug riddled ass your not aware? Two American Death Row Boys are waiting for you to put down that mother fucking Blues Harp and get to fucking work! Do I make my self clear General Quill Sir?"
"Thumbs down on both those boys Tony baby! I took a peek at all their appeals, lower courts were correct, Is know real law issue to sort out here, right T-Man? So fry the fuckers Dude, gotta bounce, Neal is already into early Stones, "Paint It Black" Tony next time you fat worthless traitor, watch that mouth or a serious hall way ass kicking could be the answer to your lack of respect for a senior thinker, Back Door Man hey Dali Baby."
"One day Quill, one day you and me will work this out old school style Marine."
(Old School new school same old story ! The po fry in Hell while the rich relax)
Read about Fletcher Quill in earlier chapters:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
Written by Dan Fallon © 2011
Fallon's earlier and later columns;