|Column nr. 12 2008|
"Fate, Time, Occasion, Chance, and Change? To these all things are subject but eternal love.
Percy Bysshe Shelly 1792-1822
Those most enlightened scholarly highly discriminating regular readers of this column are surely aware two of my last international feature column’s India, Thailand are exploding in the news with political turmoil and serious conditions! Those of you fortunate enough to travel the world in these dangerous times understand the roll of the dice mind set one must maintain if one is inclined to remove ones rear end from the sofa, plasma big screen, endless snacks brewskies and move on down the road....Personally I have great empathy for those who are timid and would rather stay nice and cozy fireside with the same old faces, Oh yeah thanks so much as your absence allows a little more elbow room on the over stuffed jets I travel on.... Ok, enough Irish philosophizing...... In the interest of public safety and Mr. Wolf’s undying concern for your personal safety! Please memorise the following Wolf pre international fly trip gut check sequence!
PRE FLIGHT SAFETY QUIZZ
1. Do you harbor the overwhelming feeling being north American entitles you to special consideration? What exactly is your testicular circumference Cowboy?
2. Can you stand in the mirror naked during all meals and snacks and drinking without needing professional help fast? Try this simple exercise for one month?
3. Have you become anxiety rattled in traffic tie ups or while waiting in line for anything lately? Traffic rage been a problem Pilgrim?
4. If you were personally threatened or attacked in a foreign land are you prepared to defend your self to the death regardless of the circumstance Indiana Jones?
4. Have you become reacquainted with general emergency medical care for your self or some one else? Can you deliver a baby? Treat for shock, stop bleeding, treat for poison or bad water dysentery??? In case of a riot or civil disorder do you know what to do first?
5. Are you easily freaked out ( upset by insects or snakes or creatures you can’t imagine in your face pilgrim? Like your hotels only first class and perfect?
6. Do you think chasing hatchery raised clone fish in your local pond means you can throw bugs and hang with master fly fishing guides who can and will eat you for breakfast and embarrass your simple ass in front of the Ball & Chain baby.....
7. Have you ever been in a place, country so far off the path the way back is a complete mystery? When you climb a tree you see nothing for endless hundreds of miles?
Africa Fresh or Salt?
Those serious international stealth long rod lovers prepared for anything types be advised modern Africa has a tiny bit of danger and surprise in store for you no worries Mate? Bit of a dust up in the old Congo one or two states in minor chaos with the usual unlimited global rape of natural resources! Other then those pesky details the fly action is superb! Many years ago I wrote several feature articles about a certain African Fly Fishing Princess? Then only a handful of fly venues were available. Today it’s a new fly game as inland lodges and deep sea charters welcome fly fishers.
Zambezi National Park
A special still wild wonderful place to see wild life and fly fish in Southern Africa. The legendary Big Bad Boy average weight 10-20lbs of serious piscatorial fighting instinct, The Mighty Tiger fish. I have hooked 5 pound tigers that nearly ripped my bamboo in two! This boy jumps, tail walks, dead serious! The park is a digital camera paradisio, animals everywhere and birds by the flock. What a grand place if one is new to Africa. The whole family easily accommodated. Many fly fishing and camera safari packages available. A must see place. Mid to heavy fly rods best suited unless your accomplished then bring your 4 weight bamboo and take those native boys to school hey Melvin? Clothing very light weight, better check the old shot card and check for travel advisories? How much time needed, at least a month Luke Sky Walker. If one has enough time, fundage, curiosity? Many inland rivers, lakes, streams exist in all African National Parks or very near. Yes, areas in or near the Congo are under travel advisories as is the coast line around Adan, Pirates are in the news as this column is being written. Bottom line many African fly fishing animal viewing venues are perfectly safe! Africa is a huge country with a rich history regardless of the relentless bad press more then three fourths of this grand country is as safe as your own home town. Simply contact your travel agent and put your mind at ease. Africa is a must for international fly fishers. Contact Phone: 1-800-888-891-3474 Zambesi Tiger Fishing.
African Deep Sea Fly Action
Off shore action reminds me of fabled Cabo San Lucas my favorite Mexican fly venue. Simply enter into any search engine African off shore fly fishing charters and be prepared for many excellent choices. My associates world class brothers of the long rod recommend Durban Deep Sea Fly Fishing at Phone: + + 27- 762-9999-445 seasoned pros. The people at Mavungana Fly Fishing Center www.flyfishing.co.za/map.php Have the reputation and experience to help outfit your African fly trip on shore or off. I would begin with either or both of these contacts as they are tested. Off shore multi species fly opportunities include; Black Marlin, Blue Marlin, Sail Fish, Yellow Fin, many members of the Tuna family represented Wahoo and Dorado as well. The African coast line is equal to the rish fish nursery still going strong in the Sea Of Cortez or anywhere near Cabo San Lucus. Few remaining wild game fish zones are as bountiful as Africa’s and Alaska. Both Alaska and Africa are must go to fly venues if your serious.
Techniques include the hand tied fly, lures soft and hard, live bait and jigging. Jigging is popular asit is in most fly regions because it combines often jigs constructed and presented like flies. Much to learn if you plan your trip well and afford enough time.
"ADVENTURES OF FLETCHER QUILL"
The caterpillar on the leaf Repeats
to thee thy mothers grief, Kill not the moth nor the butterfly, For the
Last Judgement draweth nigh.
The sad scene transpiring at Graceland is beyond mortal comprehension! Two wonderful loving young woman explode and quickly are gone! Fletcher Quill, Keith Richards, His awfully High Holiness The Dali Lama, Sharon Stone, the almost VVJJ( Vice Vagina JJ ) (Oh Well!!!) her Alaskaness Ms. One hundred and fifty grand wardrobe (no formal Ball’s in Alaska dude!) Palin are assembled at the dinner table where GMB and Mutha Superia in an instant stopped each other’s life.
"Wow Dude, why is that cat licking the Nun’s face like that detective?"
"Give me some elbow room boys, gonna give this little fallen filly me world famous Hanoi Hot Shot IV with fifty % pure Water Buffalo adrenalin and the best high octane electro light heart restarter this old hippy can conjure. Hell I hear a very feint heart beat. This one ain’t gone quite yet! Stand back lets give her the paddles. BAM, now breath baby, breath!!!! BAM, BAM, there it is, THERE IT IS! WE got full on pulse and heart beat. Back from the almost dead. A miracle boys. Lets get her into my car right now. Unbelievable!"
"Dam, this Doc Fallon is like an old New Orleans GRIEE GRIEE bayou medicine man, That girl was gone or so close only Timba my cat could feel life, Wow!"
"Holy Moly! Serena is back and alive. Can’t believe my eyes. She was gone I heard no pulse, nothing. You all tried! What is this?"
As if by semi divine intervention the lights blink on and off and the feint odor of saffron laced angel pudding awakens the boys deepest sense of melancholy. She has arrived, the spirit known throughout time as the Angel Of Mercy who sits at the right hand of Michael the Arch Angel.....
"My dear fellows please sit and let us survey and attempt to elucidate on the matter of our sweet ONCE fallen Angel Serena tossed back into a decidedly cruel rather disgusting human race! Now boys lets face facts here. You ridiculous men continue to treat lovely angelic beings (mortal woman) like prize horses! You Quill you nasty old basterd, why this sweet one would want anything to do with you? Detective Gary Hunter A.K.A. (Iceberg) how can you turn your cheek on this mess? And you our good Dr. Mike Fallon, your attire Sir sadly lacking. Your skills near perfect instincts. Now I allowed Serena to return because for reasons known only to her, she loves you Fletcher Quill. Why in heaven do these educated young woman fall for old messed up ego driven hedonists? Alas mysteries and more mortal mysteries. If you cross this little creature who adores you again Mr. Quill I will personally pull your fuc-ing ticket comprende Cowboy?"
"Loud and clear Mam. Question why was GMB (Gold Monkey Blond) not spared as well?"
"Your GMB used all her get out of jail cards long ago. Persistent lying and rampant unbridled promiscuity closed all the door’s in her mortal world. She will need many more mortal lives to get the trust and fidelity compact functioning. Her path is going to be long wet and terribly sticky!"
"Madam spirit as an Alaskan sitting Govonatress who by the by does know Russia is way, way, way north! I’m thrilled the little uber smokin hot Nun is fire breathing again. How can I avail my rural country big ass of your future services?"
"In your case Ms. Palin lord have mercy on the day you actually have any idea about anything at all let alone what words fall out of that librarian pie hole of your’s sweetness!"
"This is worst then my last five friggin movies! Both those girls were getting on my ancient tit! Can barely stomach GMB and the little cute Nun?
"Wish Jagger and the lad’s could have been ringside for this scene! Kinda makes rock star life abit boring. Hell my usual day begins at 1pm, pick out a tee shirt then fire the bong. I been missing out not slapping heaping mountains of female drama around my crib...."
Atmosphere takes another oblique twist as endless legions of singing angelic little people circle Serena with old 666 leading the revelry. Breathing innocense and life back into her aura, spirit. The assembled horrified guests stare mesmerized by the golden/orange colored spirits brushing her hair and holding her hand.
The hospital waiting room scene has caught the slightly callused emergency staff off balance. La Sharon in her white mink dinner jacket Keith Richards in his standard rock star black skull embossed street attire, 666 spirit glowing coming in and out of focus as he slips back and forth from his world to this. His still awfully high High Holiness Dali lama in his orange robes smiling as usual. This crew do raise afew jaded eyebrows....
‘Which of you is Fletcher Quill? How this girl beat the odds amazing. Another Doctor Fallon deal it appears, how this man pulls off these lost causes mysterious. She will be Ok in a week or less, loss of blood has not effected her motor skills, have to see when she wakes up. One of you can stay with her till she wakes.Any chance staff can wrangle afew autographs?"
"Listen Quill, you ain’t the traffic director in this mess Pally! These birds were both free thinking. This return from DOA land is whacked! That little waif was by by Dude, no question about that none. Now we have witnessed a real miracle."
"Yeah Keith, maybe they were adults and ya de ya da. This life style has nothing but casualties. Left along string of sweet babeage lying along the rail tracks. Serena is so special in so many ways! I fell for her as soon as our eyes locked I wanted her. Now La Sharon still standing in this mess amazes me as well. What that ethereal no Bullsh-t taking blond goddess see’s my ancient ass? Bottom line, need to take a long look at how these girls wind up after a tour with Quill!"
In strolls the good Doctor Mike Fallon now wearing his most professional ensemble yet! ACDC tee shirt, leather jogging shorts and huge white rimmed sunglass’s another perfectly rolled dooby tucked into left side of his mug......
"Man those Australian maniac rockers have really kicked some rock n roll boooty with their new "Black Ice" album. Saw them in New York last week, kicks serious booty boys. Now about our little blond almost DOA waif her vitals more stable then Axl Rose’s new sad ass attempt to capture GNR gold! (Way way over produced! ) Did what I could to hide the ugly scar on her still perfect neck. When she comes around more tests will tell the tale. The other gal GMB, her autopsy just came in and it appears she was 3 months pregnant Mr. Quill. I did not do a DNA track/match. Pretty sure you almost became a father Sir! One more thing, found no residue or any evidence of drugs prescription or otherwise. A clean uncomplicated case of pure jealousy is how my report will read."
"Excuse me have to take this cell shout."
"Quill, Cowboy here son. What the hell you got your ass into this time Mr. National friggin Monument! Those little hottie Biooooches running my boy down blind alleys as usual?"
"No comment, Sir I read you hosted the Obama clan gave the Blackhouse tour hey?
"Blackhouse is right, trucks been delivering new barbecue sets ups, cases of Aunt Jemima Syrup and all the in house digital TV’s now feature either Sanford & Son or Amos & Andy reruns 24/7..... Dam too bad Martin Luther and his boys were not still above ground. It be awfully ethnic on 1600 Pinn Ave."
"Gonna miss these word exchanges Sir! What are your first plans."
"Well, first back to Crawford, then maybe a book deal or anything to keep me busy. Laura is about packed and gone,Gave her ten million to keep her trap shut no tell all’s. Guess me and Dicky Chaney can hunt some Quail hey. That boy never did find a comfort zone did he? Hell we threw so many souls into the lower reaches St, Peter is waiting and tappin that hand, " When are those war criminals gonna get here, can’t wait?" Now Obamarama say’s he won’t try and implode my dumb ass. If only Daddy would speak to me again. Keeps saying I ruined the BUSHKY legacy?
We ain’t never had one them legacies, that’s for sure! So this xmas is a dead deal feared."
"Would not worry to much Mr. President, you didn’t seem to care last 8 yrs so keep that what did I do wrong tude working and fear not. Your numbers so low your assured of last place in all histories of America, dam man you’re the worst leader ever! Hell be proud of that record. No one could have been any more pathetic Sir. You are hands down the worst President, and bless you earned it the hard way.!"
"Thank Thank you very much. Yes, my place has always been last place. College exams, GPA, all dead last, everyone knows about my bogus military history, absentee thanks to Daddy!!Now Daddy won’t even look at me. Tells, Momma, " Keep that dam fool cheerleader moron far away from me! "Ok, no more Laura, no more Daddy, no more Oval Office. Hello Jack Daniels and Mr. Brewski here comes Georgie Boy. Did get me a fine pension and I might open up a mess of English language schools in Texas. Hell why for no one else has thought of edacating all those foreign alien dudes beyond me! Must be scared of them being space aliens and all?"
"As usual Sir, nothing gets by you. How about that Hellery going to be Sec Of State. That strike cold fear into those woman hating Arabs hey Sir?"
"Got that right Kimosabi. That Ball Breaker gonna let old Bubba have the whole dam city to seduce. That boy can’t ever keep it zipped?"
"Gotta go Sir, Serena’s Doctor standing and waiting , best of luck Sir."
(The worm turns or maybe Doctor Fallon can patch up the world economy?)
Read about Fletcher Quill in earlier chapters:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
Written by Dan Fallon © 2008
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