"ADVENTURES OF FLETCHER QUILL"
San Francisco Chronicle Cartoonist, creator of "Farley"
Rocking The Rock
Two hour’s of sweet low slow old school San Francisco early
60s style hard driven Harmonica Blues have been going down at Molly’s
Blues joint hosted by Bad ass Blues legend Buddy Guy..... Justice Quill
has been digging deep and putting it down thick and honey smelling going
from the classic, "Midnight Train" into , "I Smell Trouble " and
finishing with ten minutes of, "Mustang Sally". General Quill’s man
Drake who has cared for the old General for many years and watches his
back at events like this, throws him a sign and its back in the yellow
killer Lamborgine waiting in the alley.... Black Messiah has lost the
fucking FOOTBALL! Ultra super secret stainless steel encrypted case all
Presidents carry that has the latest Nuclear Launch Codes, so the Pres
can push that nasty ass Armageddon Button any old time he likes! Lost
it, can’t find it and Quill and his boys are on the hunt......
man I got put gas in this fucking thing agin Dude? Goes like a mother
fucker though don’t it Drake? Fucking Football lost man, Drake call
General Parker again, he thinks the Indian activists have the Launch
Codes! Love that theory. Has Keith called yet? Man, the Stones with Bill
Wyman and Mick Taylor slaughtered London last nite, I know it feel
it!!!!! Taylor owns the lead guitar man. Drake better put either the
Italian Goddess or Sugar Tit’s on hold till I find the shiny case. If
Sharon Stone calls hand her to me. Ok, lets get my staff on how Peltier
has been treated since his time in new prison? I wanna run down on the
beating he took and what happened to the fists and feet that did it?
Also my Bamboo fly Rods are back in Raven’s Haven with me Cat Timba, hey
get Timba on the line, gotta hear his little meow one time."
"Got you covered, Stones killed them! Keith want’s you and your Harp
on the west coast run, especially the mother fucking Fillmore West gig
they plan!!! Sugar Tit’s say’s and I quote Sir, " Go fuck your self old
man, find a new Bitch who will put up with your ancient ass ". And her
Highness Sharon Stone was more succinct with this love sonnet, "Eat me
Old Man!". Have three staff from court on Peltier case. Your Bamboo Fly
Rods are being carefully tuned for next fly trip and your best friend
Cat is on the cell now, push conference and go..."
"Timbaaaaa!!!! my boy!!!!!" "Meowwwwww, meow....."
"Really hate to interrupt Sir, news you will love! It seems crafty
gang of your new North American Indian Activists Pal’s have the Football
and will be keeping it with them while they take over your old hang out
Alcatraz Maximum Security Federal Prison San Francisco Bay,
http://www.alcatrazhistory.com. They would love to have you join
them General, perhaps I should get your gear ready, you Dali, and
General Parker will be going back home hey Judge?"
"Man, how sweet that is! Call Parker and the Dali Lama Drake! Get
Jimmy Ferguson on the line we have to move quickly, call the Court and
tell them as much as I would love to vote on who is in charge in the
work place, more pressing matters urge my presence elsewhere, comprende’
"Jimmy, the gods have smile upon us my friend. My new Injun activists
Buds have magically grabbed the fucking Football, you know BM’s Football
Cowboy! And love this they are keeping it on the old Federal Maximum
prison nestled in me San Francisco Bay. Ain’t that grand. Thought you
might like to join Dali, Parker and me hang with them till we can’t hang
no mo? What say you Pilgrim?"
"Try and keep me off that funky old Seagull encrusted island Buddy!
I’ll start packing now, you know we could fly fish for Strippers off
those famous rocks Ball Player?"
"Oh yeah, nice Jimmy, I’ll bring all the new eight weight Bamboo I
rarely use. Great Idea! How you been ? I know you been hunting & fishing
your ass off right?"
"Oh yeah, harassing Bear’s and wild turkeys my friend, do I need to
have any weapon’s on the Rock?"
"We will be Rocking The Rock Cowboy! Better bring all your appetites
Buddy, we be in my back yard on this thang that will go global faster
then you can say Social Network. I had Drake let all my local Seafood
restaurants know what’s up on Alcatraz and start getting the fleet of
Boasts ready, cause all my Blues loving famous Pal’s will need some
serious replenishment. All this International Activist shit is my
fucking forte’ Mr. Digital Radio. How many stations now Jimmy?"
"Stopped counting around 400 Generalismo. Listen, this really sounds
like one of your endless drug riddled San Francisco partay’s Street
Man, are you kidding! This will be the uber , ultra, hugefied never
to be forgot historical. Last Stand Those Nuclear Launch Codes can not
be changed or altered by anyone but the President my friend. No extra
set of emergency codes, this is it. So my Indian friends now call the
shots Radio Zar!"
"Man oh man. This is Historical, fucking Biblical, No wonder you
called me Hippy Judge. I’m on the way, see you in two days. We Rock the
"Drake, call every drug dealer I know in San Fran , give them a heads
up. Call the Single Malt Scotch Dude at Perry’s have him start the
supplies to the Rock, better call my sound engineer friends and have
them get those thick four foot old walls ready for this endless party.
Get whoever is the spokesmen/leader on the horn and let him know, HERE
COME THE JUDGE!!!"
"I have one of the activist leaders on the horn now Sir, a Mr. Broken
"I’m I speaking to Judge Quill? This is a secure cell phone please
"It is I Sir, my boys and I are on the way to Alcatraz right now! How
the Hell did you get hold of the Football? And more important do you
comprende’ exactly what you have my friend?"
yes, we understand all the arrows will fly if we start pushing these
little red buttons all lined up in a row! Judge we have the white man by
the short and curlies, would we consider letting the Hounds of Hell (
HOH ) loose? Oh yeah, we would indeed! When you get here we have
arranged quarters for you and your team in the Death Row section Cell
Block E. Peace be with you Brother Wolf."
"I will have my man Drake leave you several critical local San
Francisco Cell numbers you will need. All my people who are ready to do
whatever is needed for this most righteous Last Stand! One more thing,
that Rock is now run by a tough contingent of Canyon Yodelers’s , tough
Bitches’s to deal with! They think they own that fucking Bird toilet
that is the Rock circa 2012. Last siege there left really cool graffiti
all over the thick wall’s, so primal. The heating sucking, but, the
Ghosts are everywhere Broken Arrow! You will hear cell door’s open and
close, guards who have no walked those ancient walls for decades clearly
speaking in other worldly voices. Especially in the Infirmery and
Isolation cells are hot spots for Ghost activities. I will make sure
plenty of high quality LSD, Peyote, Magic Schrooooms are available for
those activists Brave’s who may wish to run with the Wolf my friend.....
I have General Parker on the other line, we will pow wow upon the
surreal misty foggy San Francisco Bay, my home, my people and this is my
"Parker, How’s it hanging Jar Head? You ready for extended duty on
the rock my main bad ass Marine Green Pally? Listen man, I got all
bases’s covered Buddy, all you need to do is pick me up in that too fast
stealth chopper of your’s General and we park it on the rock Pilgrim!
Bring warm gear and fowl weather gear, we will be fly fishing for
hugefied Stripped Bass and Salmon off those rocks Kabish?"
"Yeah, yeah... I know you got it covered Marine, this will be so
fucking cool. You called Jimmy your Digital Radio Pal right Cowboy? Man,
the Press will be all over this one Judge. Oh yeah, your way too young
misplaced girlfriends been blowing up my Cell Son, how bout a little Man
Town style Bitch Management their Cowboy?"
"Box of Rattle Snakes my friend, each one wants a nice piece of my
tarnished soul Pilgrim. What to do. So we know where the fucking
Football is. Time to chat with the reelected Black Messiah, I’ll put him
on conference with us and the Dali Lama I have on line three. You all
ready and can hear each other Boys?"
"Oh yes, it is I Dali Lama. Peace my Brother’s"
"General Quill, you found my FOOTBALL old man? Where the fuck was it?
And more important , where is the Launch Codes right now? I got several
General’s getting real edgy Cowboy!"
"We got a situation. The Football is in the hands of extremists,
Indian Activists. They have the Ball and are keeping it and Alcatraz
Prison in San Francisco hostage as one hour ago eastern time."
"Holy shit Quill! Are you fucking positive?"
"Oh Yeah, affirmative Sir! Parker, Dali, Jimmy F., Drake my man and
me are on the way to San Francisco right now! Send me three or four of
your latest secure cell’s, do not I repeat do not send any fucking
Drone’s over Pilgrim! No grand standing Bullshit with any killer Team’s
either, my most valuable ass not to mention Dali, Jimmy, Parker, Drake
safety is top priority. Broken Arrow I think is with the Peltier group?
Not sure yet of the main player’s on this deal! They know the Football
is launch codes and they also magically understand they can’t be
replaced or altered by anyone but you! So, my Marine General self say’s
we first see the Ball and hear them out first!"
"You have two days max to get the fucking Ball back! If not by then I
may be pressured to wipe Alcatraz off the map Quill! You get the
sequence here, it will move fast and even I can’t alter how fast,
"Oh yeah. General Parker’s jet Chopper just landed on the roof, next
stop the Rock! Remember Cowboy, none of your mother fucking Drone Horse
"Quill, your really stepping in Bat dung this time mortal man! This
is worst then your latest failure at Bitch Management Marine! I’m all
over it, no worries. Here in my underground nasty little lab we have
identified all the Braves in this shoot out. They followed you to Alaska
and when you and the BM were most wasted grabbed the Football suitcase
and boom my friend, here we are! They ain’t going to give up shit
either. One of them a Mr. Broken Arrow great gand son of Sitting Bull is
a real mother fucker, watch his every move. Your work on Peltier is your
ticket in and will serve you well. I’ll keep you posted, say Hi to
"My old Buddy, Mr. Ba Ba Bad To The Boner...... Knew you were on this
thang! I’m in Parkers jet Chopper on the way to Frisco, better alert all
my long dead Blues Brother’s including Robert Johnson , plenty of room
for all my spirit Pal’s on the Rock... We will be Rocking The Rock
"Jimmy is that you Buddy? Listen man, better bring a few high caliber
Pistol’s, I have several hand loaded custom 44 mags, But, I know you
require special hardware like me Cowboy! We may have throw some lead
here at some point. Great place for your Sat Up Link Digital Radio
stuff. We may be there a while, so bring anything you may need for
extended period Barbecue Master."
"Quill, excited man! Been hunting and fishing. This is great theater
for my million’s of listener’s. Your Fan’s will be hyped when this thing
breaks Judge, see you around midnight..."
"Good to have you on this Jimmy, Pod casts will be colorful and
frequent. See you soon my friend."
"Drake, give me another big bong hit of that deep purple train wreck
my elegantly wasted old friend."
(Cold Winds Blow on the Rock 24/7! Ghosts of Al Capone and The Bird
Man rule the nights!)
Read about Fletcher Quill in earlier chapters:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
14 15 16 17 18 19 20
23 24 25 26 27
Written by Dan Fallon © 2012
Illustrations by Phil Frank © 2003
Photos by Dan Fallon © 2012
Fallon's earlier and later columns;
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