Updated
2010-03-04

Swedish version
 

Dan Fallon's World of Fly fishing
 

Column nr. 3 2010  

   
 

El Nino Briefly Bless’s California Fly Fisher’s

  We long time river obsessed California Fly Fishers are well aware of natures limits and cyclical habits, not to mention the whole new global warming speak.. My personal favorite rivers have all been effected except a select few such as the mighty Feather River not running 100 percent, but still very fly fishable. Way up north the underground artesian fed waters of my old home Fall River appear unchanged. El Nino has perhaps briefly stopped a drought going back several years. Snow depth at one of my other beloved homes in lake Tahoe Donner Summit 6,900 feet is at new records so far this year 90 inches in late February ain’t bad fly maniacs! Sonora Pass 8,800 feet is now nearing 70 inches and looking great. Water management are not quite as optimistic as aging fly fishers, they say we are still in critical water rationing because of all the needs here in this soon to be bankrupt state (worlds 10th largest economy Pilgrims).

  It is sobering to consider this huge bucket of endless water falling for the last several months and possibly providing this states best late spring fly action in many years will be just a anomaly on the way to rivers slowly becoming what happens when the water is gone...... Not to get too cryptic. Now lets get down to the only possible slower deep water opportunities for those who can’t or won’t wait for late spring to slow the rivers, streams down. I know several smaller tributaries from on top of California running near Lake Shasta to stretches of the Truckee river near Reno Nevada. Including short stretches of the great Merced River coming straight out of Yosemite National Park.

  In short fly fishers slower water exists even in early May! Now in my mind three options exist working deep water early spring. One can use all the known streamers, leeches, wolly buggers, and of course the Mouse! Working the edges of smaller streams and the slower elbow sections of mid size rivers can be very productive early and late in the day. I love to work gaudy flashy little streamers like my "Harlequin" making it move quickly and stopping so the marabu white feathers shimmer and move like a real live bait fish. Good luck and try working big streamers in deep fast water.

HARLAQUIN

Hook: #8 - #12 Barbless
Thread: Jet Black Silk
Tail: Yellow Wild Parrot
Rib: Silver Tensile
Body: Coal Black Floss
Wing: #1 Long groomed white marabu
Wing: #2 Domestic yellow chicken feathers groomed
Cheek: Carved wild Chinese pheasant feather

 

© Phil Frank 2002

  "ADVENTURES OF FLETCHER QUILL"
Illustrated By Phil Frank,
San Francisco Chronicle Cartoonist, creator of "Farley "

"Between the acting of a dreadful thing and the first motion, All the interim is like a phantasma, or a hideous dream: The Genius and the mortal instruments are then in council."
Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

  Day two of the three day feasting/whoring well under way at Fletcher Quill’s beloved castle Raven’s Haven trembling and glowing on the edge of a northern Ireland coastal jetty. After an early breakfast of African psychedelic truffle omelets and copious amounts of the finest Graftganistan Hashish. All are assembled in the great dining hall as the Chronic Whang Brothers and the Dali Lama perform their just created skit roasting the Supreme Court Conservative wing led by fat Tony Scalia, Whang Brother Tommy Gun Thomas and Kennedy.

  Improvisation Performance Live featuring Chronic Whang Brothers & The Dali Lama

  Fletcher Quill and his wasted famous guests have no idea Jimmy (HD Radio Phenom!) Furguson has his high gain camera and mike hidden broadcasting live to his millions of loyal listeners.....

"Tony Baby please put down that fourth rum chocolate Sunday and come join Kennedy and me in this conference call pronto. It’s the CEO’s of ten of America’s biggest Corporate political contributors have a kind of proposition they say we can’t refuse?"

"On behalf of all assembled here this morning including my new best friends from China and India who now hold substantial American investments. We are humbled you the exulted last word in many cases will listen to our short adventure in new free thinking truly free American wide open no holds bared politics where ONLY the wealthy and connected can be elected to high office."

"(The Dali lama’s acting debut!) Hold on their Pilgrim your treading on the old red, white and blue before you get started."

"Please listen to what we propose and will of course compensate all parties to the tune of immense life long immunity from poverty, prosecution of any kind and endless unlimited huge ATM universal privileges as long as all living family members live. In short if we agree this morning the lifelong compensation will be enormous and virtually endless. America is ready for a complete acceptance of its fate gentlemen. Internationally controlled corporations not the failed junk Banking system run this soon to be third world rock pile of empty stores, houses, empty desolate cities much like a mass KATRINA aftermath is unavoidable. America has no more blind alleys to run down!It is possibly she can’t be resusated. Listen you can hear the dying moans of the country imploding quickly."

"(Snoop (Whang Brother) Dooogy a seasoned actor) Wow man that is chronic thinking Dude sounds like a plan to me! What say Tony Kenny, Ruthy shall we raise hands and get back to our dinner?"

"(Fat Tony Scalia ) Yeah, I’m down with a show of hands right now! All in favor of letting the corporations finally exclusively bankroll their own candidates raise your hands! We have a consensus. Let the rape of the Socialist States Of America begin!!!!"

  CROWD GOES WILD!!!

  Man oh man Dali, Snoop you were Hollywood, Ballywood boys! I just got this E-mail from our new America’s Cup savior Mr. Larry (Midas Touch # 3 worlds richest Dude! ) Ellison. "Congratulations General Quill on your new gig, we have now have much in common as I bought the Cup much like your new brothers and sisters wearing black robes were bought off by corporate America! Like Don king says, "Only in America Baby".

"Has anyone seen Cheetah Woods today? Is he still memorizing his speech written by his publicist. I saw him walking around with his putter eating cereal watching cartoons again. Can’t wait to hear him spill his guts..."

  Suddenly all eyes are glued to the scene unfolding in front of the giant fireplace in the great dinning hall. Quill’s latest smoking hot private nurse Caron is swaying back in forth in front of the burning coals holding her wine glass and allowing her wonderful 36 double D’s complete freedom as they are barely contained in the skimpy black satin halter top.....

  Lights begin to flicker as the last cups of Owlesy’s latest primo batch of Brain Jesus Juice kicks into 7th gear like Quill’s new bad ass Ferrari Spider (800 H.P. Dual Turbo Red 44caliber bullet) Everyone becomes quiet as non other then Bonn Scott ACDC's first and most formidable alpha male. A lifetime member and senior advisor emeritus of the Life Lived In Extremis Order spirit begins to speak on this day exactly 30 years after he died of " Misadventure " (acute alcohol poisoning in a friends parked car...)

  Bonn Scott

"Man, please let Nurse Caron take allll me dead ass vital signs 100 times a day Boys! Baby walks she shakes like a willow tree baby when she walks gives eye sight to the blind, baby when she walks she looks like a Parking Ticket, FINE written all over every inch sha- boom -ditty..... Huge hugs and shout out from the heart to me old band Mates, mighty Angus me soul brothers. I know your about to play Los Vegas and shake Elvis back to life me Brothers, I’m right there with ya!!!! Sooo Me mad as hatter Irish testicular monster soul man, blues harp wailing host with the coolest castle I ever haunted! What a party and these woman, Sharon friggin Stone wearing that see through blue satin catsuit, ummmmm....I came to scream, sin, play me bag pipes and later observe your next spell work with the magic caldron I have heard so much about? After the feasting and most excellent whoring it is time to use or loose the powers to perform your Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap Mate."

  Quill watches his slightly tipsy personal servant Drake carrying the Red, White& Blue cell phone negotiate the writhing superman high entwined bodies to catch Fletcher, Dali Lama, Keith Richards, Nurse Caron walking up the four story staircase leading to Quill’s fly tying tower sanctuary. It is the Black Messiah requesting chin music time pronto...

  Black Messiah

"Justice Quill, need to ask you several really silly questions as I know right around an hour ago your brain began to sizzle in the Graftganistany Hashish we gave Kid Rock to hand to you. Excuse my impertence I know you been famous longer, banged more fine white big tit tang then Cheetah woods ever dreamed of. None of them Butter Face’s either hey misanthropic Super Stud!! Sooo you ain’t wrestling around in that big castle with any fantasy of challenging me for the Presidency hey Cowboy?

"Hey Mr. Chicago back alley politics expert. Mr. We can do it, ya de ya da. I ain’t like Al Haig, or any of the American Hero’s, my closet is sealed because of my Recon Marine background any how. Now think young wanna be futurist, I like my current gig living here in me castle half the year when the Court is not in session. Your safe for now unless me old mate here 666 or The Glimmer Twin Keith has other ideas hey mates? Christ on top of all your other flaws your paranoid too..."

  666

"If the Black Messiah is still listening how about making Ozzie Osborne your new Secretary Of State, drop the ( caution wide load!!! ) Bitch and give the Ozmeister a whack at fucking China, North ( shit for Brain’s ) Koreans and Putin the pricktator? Maybe give me pally Keith Richards the Ambassadorship to say Russia hey Keith? No problem these boys will be faster then Oprah’s new 18 inch ( double headed ) black vibrator your Highness. And while were at it your hugeness lets legalize all psychedelics, this countries constipated emotionally shell shocked non fly fishermen could use a little mental booster, vivid colors and collective peaceful brother, sisterhood. Let kick out the last conservative jams and let the California San Francisco love & Peace Sanctuary energy flow Earth wide not just nation wide. Better start taking Mr. B. Masiah on remote fly fishing adventures Quill and get the boys mind right with nature. All he knows is Baskitball and Chicago back alley lying and wheeling dealing..."

  Fletcher Quill’s inner circle are now circling the mysterious magic cauldron a short time gift from the iconic, eternal spirit of the Celtic Lord of Lords Dagda. The large vessel is vibrating and suddenly fills the room with the most ancient smells blended from original Frankincense and Myrrh incense of the first Earth God spirits who ruled this once virgin planet at will for their own gains. As the Dali Lama begins his Peace/love Chant a cold chill and the smell of sulphur set the moment for our host Supreme Court Justice, Marine General, Assassin slowly begins morphing (Shape-Shifting) into an extinct 100 pound Sea Eagle armed with the most toxic saliva that instantly stops all breathing, muscle control while disintegrating its preys tissue within two seconds.

  This bird has a ten foot wingspan and the ability to fly glide at high attitude. Mr. Putin (Pricktator number one!) is vacationing at his mountain estate in the Ural mountains oddly enough the ancient noble sport of Falconry will be the high light of this weekends social activities.

  Fletcher Quill has twenty four hours before he returns to his own body. Quests will not have any idea he has left the castle as he and Nurse Caron have recorded hours of her incredible moans and sighs as her and Fletcher pound away into the wee, wee, hours... The giant killer raptor that is now Fletcher Quill for the next 24 hours can excrete deadly enzyme flesh eating toxin either through its huge razor sharp talons or contact with its rock crushing six inch bone crushing beak.

  Raptor/Quill is now flying and gliding at the edge of the earths atmosphere. This once extinct voracious carnivore was known to sweep down in gangs of several hundred and destroy herds of whatever animals were available! Raptor/Quill is aware of every sensation his new raptor bird body encounters. He can feel the ice cold winds that have no effect on the birds ability to fly higher then any known raptor because of ancient DNA equipped with G.P.S. beyond what we consider sensitive. Pricktator Putin has a lapel Russian Flag that has been tampered with a micro chip that will zero Raptor/Quill to his exact location at one of his three mountain retreats.

  As Raptor/Quill begins descending thousands of feet into Western Siberia’s unpopulated hard scrabble Kuzbas coal basin owned by one of Russia’s newest least favored Billionaire Igor Zyuzin and his Steel Company Mechel. Igor now infamous victim of Putin’s cryptic February 2010 speech that caused Mechel’s stock to drop over $6 Billion, "Of course sickness is sickness, but I think Igor Vladimirovich should get better as quick as possible; otherwise we’ll have to send a doctor to clear up these problems!" Raptor/Quill now gliding at one thousand feet and closing quickly on the landscape where his potential target dwells. Suddenly encounters a large flock of migrating Canadian geese and decides to test the instant flesh eating toxin. He chooses an older adult male bird at the very end of the flying V and swoops down grabbing the old bird which almost on contact begins disintegrating upon contact! Raptor/Quill drops him and watches as he and his white feathers quickly evaporate into white dust...... Now totally confident and really enjoying the flying soaring strong wind in his feathers, RQ decides to glide over a remote river running near the coal basin surely highly polluted! He see’s a gang of Mallard Ducks preaning and acting awfully safe and cozy. The crazy psychedlic munching wild ass Irishmen in him takes control as he swoops down and scatters the vacationing Ducks with great gusto! Then he beats his enormous wings and rises over the last mountain range as Putin’s lapel chip begins calling RQ loud and clear, it is on.

(Last Dance for Pricktator? Justice is served!)

 

 

Read about Fletcher Quill in earlier chapters:

1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11
12 13  14  15  16  17  18  19  20
21 22  23  24  25  26  27  28  29
30 31  32  33  34  35  36  37  38
39 40  41  42  43  44  45  46  47
48  49  50  51  52  53  54  55  56
57  58  59  60  61  62  63  64  65
66  67  68  69  70  71  72  73  74
75  76  77  78  79  80  81  82  83
84  85  86  87  88  89  90  91

 

Written by Dan Fallon 2010
Illustrations by Phil Frank © 2003
Photos by Dan Fallon © 2010

For Dan Fallon's earlier and later columns;
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Read Dan Fallons biography and contact info

 

 

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