|Column nr. 6 2010|
Early on it became apparent to me that watching a fat Rainbow slam a well tied Mosquito as the last light evaporates was as near nirvana as one could imagine and still be above ground... When I come across an hombre’ who has worshiped at the Dry Fly Temple like Mr. James Ferguson Radio personality, outdoors men, dry fly practionier, it is impossible not to consider what in my mind is a seasoned fly fisher adventurer? First and foremost Alaska must be near the very top for world class dry fly action. Jim has been to Alaska eight times including trips on the fabled Kenai, Alagnak, Upper Russian, and the Porcupine Rivers. This itinerary alone would give Mr. Ferguson a prime dry fly education!
When Mr. HD Radio (www.outdoorstrailsnetwok.com) is not packing up his notorious rolling Barbecue or interviewing snake handlers, knife makers,, or occasional fly fisher maniac! Jim has thrown well tied patterns on the Ausable, Boardman, Manistee, and Rife Rivers in Michigan. In Oregon the John Day, Roaring Fork, Frying Pan, Boulder in Colorado. When asked about his most vivid memories as a Brother Of The Long Rod, Landing an eight pound Brown on Chevron Creek in Arizona, a seven and a half pound Rainbow taken on the Upper Russian in Alaska, forty three inch Pike that weighed twenty four pounds on a Bunny Leach at Gold Sand Lake in Manitoba stand out.
This variety of waters spread over a life well lived on legendary dry fly waters is indicative of those fly fishers who evolve into true Journeyman capable of catching and releasing game fish in any water anywhere! Mr. Furguson reflects on a recent memorable trip, "While fishing Boulder Creek at the Lincoln Hills Fly Fishing Club. My Guide Anthony Bartkowski who guides for the fly fisher www.theflyfisher.com. We used and egg pattern and a Copper John dropper, great short line work. I was fishing for a television program "Ranch & Resort TV". Milton Daily is the host. We caught 12 fine trout largest a four pound Brown."
Mr. Ferguson’s reputation as a radio journalist was known to me before we did three interviews for his highly acclaimed HD Radio Show "Great American Outdoor Trails Radio Magazine". Jim interviews a smorgasbord of contemporary American outdoors men and woman and has recently expanded into many markets across the nation. One of our three interviews will be broadcast on Armed Forces Radio, a major thrill for this Vietnam Vet. Jim and I have interviewed and written about many of the same famous American fly fisher woman including Pudge Klienkoff famed Alaskan fly guide. International fly fishing is a relatively small world with only a known handful of super stars! In my mind Mr. James Ferguson is a prime example of a man who has lived the outdoor life with gusto! He is down right dangerous with a fly rod or a barbecue grill, a lust for life is apparent in observing this original American Sportsman...
"ADVENTURES OF FLETCHER QUILL"
"We are the hollow men We are the stuffed men
Leaning together headpiece Filled with straw, alas!"
San Francisco California fabled home town of Justice Fletcher Quill is wearing it’s usual foggy summer wardrobe. Temperatures just south of 60 degree’s thick fog near the coast as Quill and his local boys wait for the sound of the Black Messiah’s Marine Helicopter. The festivities start with an ultra private party in the Seal Room of the historic Cliff House Restaurant near Quill’s long time exclusive Sea Cliff enclave. In attendance a who’s who and who used to be who of San Francisco’s most debauched hard core Quill insiders. General Duke Parker, Keith Richards, Dali Lama, Nurse Caron (Fresh Back from Earthquake duties!) Jimmy Ferguson, spirits of legendary Grateful Dead front man Jerry Garcia, 666 Master Abbott Golden Gate Underground Faire Complex Golden Gate Park, SEPD. Detective Gary No Bullshit! Hunter), Nurse Jerry (pathetic but lots of laughs nurse pervert from the farm!) Possible drop in spirits Timothy Leary, Ken Kesey Chief of Merry Pranksters, Elvis and Frank Sinatra...
Local San Franciscan’s rejoice in the colorful past of the famed Cliff House Restaurant nestled on the edge of the city on lands end. Diners from the 1800's have enjoyed a spectacular Pacific Ocean view that to this day is magnificent. This great old world haunt has burned and rebuilt withstood the 1906 earth quake and played host to presidents, kings, and gangsters! One attraction rarely discussed for fear of negative publicity is the incredible amount of ghost activity that has been documented day and night for many years. Justice Quill is well aware of the otherworldly atmosphere as he and the leader of the free world share a fat boy blunt of Graftganistany purple Train Wreck coughing their brains out and laughing at Quill’s stories of reckless miss spent youth cutting school and hanging out at the Ocean and now pathetic Zoo...
"Got to hand it to you General/ Justice Quillstein, you have this city wired Dude! That Fillmore District Barbecue was insane man! When is your boy mayor pal showing up, I want the whole tour, Fillmore back stage, Mitchell Bros nasty girls, then we cruise the North Beach looking for loose late night Tang right Quillmeister?"
"Oh yeah, have plans for you my Lord, hold on this call may be just what were looking for at the 12 midnight bewitching hour. Its my man who works the police dispatch. " This is Justice Quill, what’s shaking Freddy?"
"Listen you asked for it you get it ! We have two potential jumpers on the Marin side about to take the old three and half gainer into oblivion my friend. You get in the bad ass F1 Ferrari and maybe you might get a front row seat."
"Put your overcoat and gloves on we are going for a little ride over the Golden Gate Bridge we have two citizens about to sky dive & die into ice cold black waters, numbers 10023 & 10024 say the bridge authority."
"You telling me after taking those giganteus bong hits, dropping magic shroooms by the handful and lets not forget your old Pal Detective Gary Hunter’s slight of hand LSD drop into my coffee mug at Tommy’s on Van Ness Ave early in the eve their Pilgrim! Soo, now your taking my Chicago back alley hayseed ass on a joy ride across the " Bridge Of Death " as we easterner’s deem it, to witness two lost souls about to reallllly get LOST!!!!"
"Uh huh that’s about it Sir, except we will have time to take advantage of this historical moment when a sitting leader of the free world can decide which of the two lost soul’s to attempt saving with your silver socialist optimist tinge your supreme leaderness highnnessss Sir!! Would you mind resetting the radio to 107.7 Lamont & Tenneli are about go nuts with my new best Pal Jimmy Ferguson HD Radio phenom who will be meeting us in a few hours."
The blood red Turbo F1 is lethal in wet tight corners, as the new Pres gets white knuckles as Quill takes the Marina Green twisty’s at 145 hitting the Golden Gate with full police escort at just a tad over 190 MPH. Light misty fog and Buddy Guy guitar solo with Little Walter blowing blues harp sets the atmosphere for a Frisco suicide double header.
"Just got a text message Sir the guy dressed in business suit is too far away near Sausalito exit and we just confirmed he is a Senior Goldman Sachs Vice President James Weinstein or A.K.A. "Jimmy Shaky" Derivatives dealer primarily in portfolios of large groups of bad stocks going south quick, but bet on to lose from the get go. Of course neglecting to inform little old ladies, pension funds. The other high jumper is close to San Francisco exit which we are at right now, there look Sir he is on the railing emptying his pockets!"
Both Quill and the Black Messiah get out of the F1 and quickly walk close enough for the young man on the high rail to pause and pull out his I-Phone with more cool apps then little skinny Stevie J can imagine..
"Man, I must be hallucinating you ain’t friggin who I think you are you?"
"Yes I’m who you think I’m now get your young dumb honky white ass off my national monument now Pilgrim!! Or I will have your pathetic give up ass as my main media dish for the next week!"
"Ok, Ok, just let me crank a few photos for my girlfriend and all the debt collectors and the home foreclosure boys and the Banks who laughed at me and the fucking stock broker whose advise cost me every dime I had can rejoice and kiss my dead broke ass"
With that most eloquent soliloquy of hopelessness Mr.. James Chester recently arrested for domestic violence & cavorting with transvsestights and smoking crack while drunk in public. A real American idiot by any reasonable measure performs an almost perfect two and half gainer (captured on both Quill’s & the Black Messiah’s cell video camera instantly uploaded live direct to Jimmy Ferguson’s media empire)... Into the big black oblivion abyss of San Francisco Bay’s killer cross currents # 10024 is in the bridge authority tally sheet. Data confirms it usually takes less then six seconds to hit the water and break almost every bone instantly. Survivors speak of strange winds cradling them slowing them down before gently hitting the surging water. People wishing to end their lives have come from around the world to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. Locals continue to argue for various protective barriers that never seem to go anywhere. Holidays are the prime jump periods, Christmas is usually very busy for coast guard cutters and helicopters quickly locate all jumpers so as not to freak out tourists who may encounter the odd arm, leg, torso, head that could wash up on local beaches. Oddly most jumpers take off their coats empty pockets remove watches then over the rail they go. Some leave notes many do not.
"That was sooo awesome Justice Quill, another looser bites it! You know looking out over this Golden Gate Bridge of death of yours looks like perfect place to test drive a few new oil drilling rigs. Just cause we had a little ten trillin cazillian gallon drip down south ain’t no reason to abandon this vital national priority right Cowboy, fifth generation Frisco Irishmen! You got a problem with that?"
Quill and the Black Messiah are now flying down through the historic Presidio Army Complex now turned into a state park at just under 140 MPH as Quill asked the leader of the free world to insert the Stone newly released remix of "Exile On Main Street and suggests a midnight fly by with the morally bankrupt, train wreck of a boy mayor his honor Mayor Nuisance.......
"No problem man love old Steel Wheel chairs Stones!"
"Listen Chi town hustler, jive ass in yo face using Air Farce one like Puff Diddy rolls his Bentley. You have as much hope of building oil off shore drilling rigs in San Francisco Bay as you have of banging Madonna’s well used ass in th Oval Office on Mothers Day while Hellen Thomas ( 90 yr old front row nasty old bag White House reporter ) sits masturbating and watching."
"This boy mayor of yours is my age General Quill, you better learn to show some fucking respect old man are I’ll have to...."
"Hey fuck you kid, remember I was famous when you were watching "The Jefferson’s" and picking your nose. Your in Wolfville now son, rolling and tumblin in my town with the Dark Prince. Any who there is the boy mayor’s house next to the Getty Mansion (Major San Fran Millionaire character society huge big gun!). Lets rattle the boys cage!"
Secret Service are falling out of black suv’s and taking positions all around the mayors house as Quill hands the Black Messiah a huge fatty spiff of the absolute finest killer "Diesel Kush" weed known to man, 100% black African THC mind bender polio inducing shit baby!!
"Long time no make fun of Mr. Almost Mayor here take a hit off this we have much to chew on before Air Farce one takes our fearless leader on more fund raisers for worthless lying ass California political junkie bitches. First off your lowness this Bullshit ordinance stopping kids from sitting or lying or sleeping on the sidewalks is complete horse poo-poo son. If that goes through you and I will dance no question!"
"You don’t scare me old man, I know your real Frisco Pedigree and it smells much worse then mine! Getting caught banging more tang then I ever did! And my fearless leader our Black Messiah, Dude you were just a smidge late getting a handle on that big ass oil gusher ruining my cities sea food menu. Kinda puts your new boy ass smack dab in the middle of Bushville now don’t it?"
"You speak fast and loose for a man that just backed out of one race cause of zero support and now lies floundering in a number two ticket spot as Lieutenant Gov.! Not to mention your public dressing down getting caught with your best Pal’s squeeze, uh huh,. You be mayor of whacky town and a national joke Pilgrim..."
"Ok you two love birds lets jam and hit the Fillmore, Slash, Keith and the boys are waiting- Lets talk about our deep Yosemite fly adventure your highness. I’m gonna put you on to a fat 4 pound Brown Trout that will twist that Chicago street raised wrist 360 son! Fresh air, Bear’s and more imported killer schrooms and gunga then the law allow! Now that is a San Francisco Irish city boy dream come true. First we have a few more Frisco stops to make, the Blue Room at the Fillmore West on Geary St. Be rocking this evening a special private party featuring two beloved hard blues playing spirits Albert (guitar master!) King & Texas guitar warrior Stevie Ray Vaughan waiting for my blues harp. But, before we do the closed Fillmore I have one more totally cool 2am thrill for you Mr. Boy Pres. Have arranged for the infamous San Francisco Zoo to open the Lion/Cat House up so we can eat more schrooms and feed the king of beasts big fat marshmellows for just above in the rafters.."
"Are you fucking joking Marine? The same zoo that those punk ass boys shot a tiger that jumped the fence and nailed their ass, that where we are headed General Quill."
Quill;’s fiery red Fulls into the San Francisco Zoo parking lot located near Ocean Beach. Quill’s boyhood Pal escorts the two late night debauchers into the fabled Lion House. Instantly the sounds and smells of giant caged beasts the Lord meant to live and die wild. Quill remembered the stairwell passage winding up to the top of the cages where several buckets of extra large marshmallows and other assorted lion treats such as hamburger balls, assorted live chickens round out a fine surreal psychedelic adventure the leader of the free world will never forget.
(Zoological Mind bending at its best - Next stop Deep into Yosemite’s north country)
Read about Fletcher Quill in earlier chapters:
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Written by Dan Fallon © 2010
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